19 Jun Celebrating Father’s Day for all it’s worth – updated from Father’s Day 2022
In these uncertain times, when people often see the world through different lenses and hold a wide range of beliefs and experiences, Father’s Day can still serve as something wonderfully simple and universal—a chance to recognize the men who have positively shaped our lives in meaningful ways.
Every person has a biological father, though not everyone is raised by him or has the same relationship with him. For some, a father is a biological parent. For others, it’s a stepfather, grandfather, coach, teacher, mentor, or another male figure who stepped in and made a lasting difference. The definitions and discussions surrounding family can vary widely, and that’s perfectly okay. For this article, I’m simply focusing on the men who influence, guide, support, and help shape who we become.
As for me, I can only share the facts of my own childhood and the experiences that molded me into the person I am today. I’m not here to debate what constitutes a traditional family or whether my family’s story was typical or unique. I’m simply sharing my story—the people, experiences, and family structure that helped shape my life and, most importantly, my relationship with my dad.
I was born to Joann and Earl Koss on May 4, 1959. My parents were married on January 31, 1959. It might have immediately jumped out at you; or maybe not. If the ‘math’ appears a little off to you, I can say with 100% certainty, I was not a “premie”. I developed in my mother’s womb a full nine months and thankfully arrived to the world without any noticeable health issues or concerns.
We’ve never really discussed it in much detail over the years, but I somehow imagine it didn’t go over too well when my mom, who was actually 17 years-old when she was first pregnant with me, and my dad, who was closer to age 18 than 19 at the time, broke the news to both sets of parents.
Over the years, I fondly ribbed my mom and dad each anniversary day. I reminded and thanked them for making it pretty easy for me to remember how many years they were celebrating marriage when each wedding anniversary date arrived on the calendar. My birthday always follows less than 4 months later.
Dad was a silent but strong leader during my childhood years
My mother was the matriarch of our family. I say this with respect and deep love and admiration. It’s just a fact. My mom always made most of the key decisions and plans as a family growing up, and my father rubberstamped, enforced and carried out these decisions and choices in a very supportive manner.
That’s not to say there weren’t any money arguments or other squabbles in the household. There always are in any marriage. But those disagreements didn’t linger. None of this works unless there is a deep sense of love and trust within a marriage. And they had it all the way until my mom’s passing last September.
Dad was a man of few words as we were growing up, but we knew how much he cared. He was a hard worker. He spent his career here in the Motor City (Detroit) working in a General Motors (GM) factory performing various tasks that were often physically and mentally tolling, and under conditions (heat, etc.) that were not as tolerable as today’s more modern factory environments.
In his later years on the factory floor, he was able to step into less physically demanding jobs based on his seniority. Throughout all this time, I don’t think he ever once refused overtime when offered. I’m sure he felt he should maximize any income opportunity given we were a family of six (I was the oldest among the four siblings). On the side, he and some buddies and my uncle would do indoor and outdoor paint jobs for local residents as a way to make extra income for the family needs.
On the home front, my dad took great effort keeping everything looking immaculate around the house, especially outdoors. His lawns would always rank among the best manicured in our blue collar, working class community on the east side of Detroit. While our homes were modest by today’s measure, (typically no larger than 1,100 square ft., with only one bathroom), neighborhood residents took pride in ownership and our community was a great place to grow up.
My dad always seemed to be doing some little ‘project’ or another around the house; mostly minor remodeling types. Unfortunately, his handyman skills didn’t rub off on me. I never wanted to stick around the house long enough to learn. I never showed an interest in learning how to build something, to paint, to do a fairly minor plumbing or electrical job. I only wish I had taken the time to learn these key skills from dad. It would have saved me a lot of money and embarrassment years later.
For any friend or family member that has witnessed my attempts at ‘do-it-yourself’ home projects once I eventually became a homeowner of my own, they know exactly what I am talking about. Let’s just say I was never mistaken for the character Tim “tool-time” Taylor in the old sitcom, Home Improvement, nor Bob Vila, the most trusted name in home repair and renovation. Quite the contrary.
Father-Son bonding in our own subtle way
As I’ve stated, my father was a man of few words when we were children. While at times I may have thought he was too quiet and took his role as father of the family way too serious, there were many subtle moments that I remember; moments which made you know how much we meant to him.
Once in a while, he would stop his lawn duties for a short break and join me in a game of ‘Horse’ (or ‘Pig’, if he was rushed for time) around the basketball hoop that was hoisted up high on the front of our garage. Or to stop and play a little baseball ‘catch’ in the driveway. Those were the special moments.
Or on those cold Sunday mornings when I was 12 and 13 as a Detroit News paper delivery boy, my dad often got up at 6am to help me on my paper route. Those Sunday newspapers were thick and heavy. Delivering them to my 60 customer’s doorsteps was much easier from dad’s station wagon tailgate than loading up my front handlebar canvas bag and rear fender side saddle bags on my bicycle, especially on a subzero, snowy, winter morning.
Looking back, I have long since realized he was being the best father he could be. The only one he knew how to be. He was strong. He showed us by example the value of hard work, discipline, and devotion. We knew we would be held accountable for any wrongdoings, and if there were things we wanted that were material, we knew we had to work part time jobs to buy them or maintain them ourselves. He would always help us in any way, but we knew not to simply expect a handout.
Also looking back, I fully realize I was not the easiest to be around, especially as a teenager. I never crossed the line with any terrible wrong doing because I was brought up to know right from wrong; good from evil. But let’s just say I often didn’t apply myself in high school and my grades suffered for it, and I screwed off way too often on the social front. I’m not sure I could have handled a teenager like me!
But even then, as much of a handful as I think I was at times, my dad bought me my very first car, which I was eligible to drive the day I turned 16 (I had paid for my own private driver’s training instruction well in advance of my 16th). It was a 1966 Ford Mustang, candy apple red, fastback edition. He bought it from his best buddy for $400. I was responsible for the insurance, gas, maintenance, etc. but I couldn’t have afforded to buy it had he not made the initial purchase.
We’ll save the rest of the Mustang story for another time. Let’s just say it didn’t have a great ending, all due to my negligence and foolishness of youth. I didn’t realize what a gem I truly had in that car. A couple foolish fender benders later, and I ended up selling less than two years into it for less than I probably should have.
The school of hard knocks often begins at an early age. Mine started around the beginning of high school, and thankfully ended not long after my senior year.
Time to fly from the nest
Shortly after high school, I met Ruth, we dated for awhile and then married in October of 1980. By then, I was about 21 1/2 years old. Somewhat young for marriage, maybe not by 1959 standards, but by now 1980 standards.
I was certain that’s what I wanted. I wanted a family. We had our first child, Brian, born 3 1/2 years later, in May of 1984. Our 2nd and last child, Kevin, arrived nearly two years later in February 1986. These were exciting times, and I was never more happy than when I became a father, twice over.
To this day, I am as proud, thrilled and thankful for the opportunity to be called “dad” as I was the minute the boys first opened their eyes.
Those years breezed by way too quickly but now I get to watch our oldest son Brian develop and prosper in his role as an amazing father of four children. I’m so proud of the father and man that he’s become, and in many ways, I think he’s figured things out even better than I ever could.
I’m equally as proud of our youngest son Kevin, who many of you know either personally or through our open dialogue since the launch of KEVADVOTECH.
There is no prouder honor I could have than simply being Kevin’s dad. Despite his struggles and challenges dealt him through his traumatic brain injury suffered at the age of 15, I’m pleased and proud to witness his pure heart and gentle soul. And despite the injury, his core values are firmly engrained within him; all established during his younger years.
When Kevin is having a good day, it is amazing and heartwarming to see a glimpse of his old, clever humor, or watch him as he watches, observes and tries to interact with his three nieces and one nephew. Those moments are priceless.
There is no one size fits all regarding fatherhood best practices
Every family’s situation is different. Every child’s personality is different. And we as fathers can’t expect our actions and guidance will always achieve the best results. We can only hope we were more right than wrong regarding the nurturing and support we tried to provide our children.
I’m just thankful I had a baseline going into this new, adventurous and somewhat daunting phase of life. That baseline was my father, as I observed him as I was growing up. Minus my already confessed lack of mechanical and handyman skills I failed to develop in younger years, I tried my best to get the core basics of fathering right.
While overall I am pleased knowing I did the best I could, I do sometimes look back and wish I had done more. Or at least done some things differently. But overall, no major regrets. I hope my dad feels the same about how he raised us. Proud, pleased and knowing we’ve both done the best we could so far as fathers.
And not to be overlooked, I was also quite blessed to inherit an amazing father-in-law along the way as part of my marriage. We lost him around 13 years ago at the age of 89. But he was truly a pillar of a good man, grounded in solid family values. A wonderful father, father-in-law and grandfather to his two grandsons.
Our son Brian has been similar in good fortune as well, as he inherited a wonderful father-in-law as part of his marriage into my daughter-in-law’s family.
Lack of a bloodline doesn’t deter real men from acting as a father should
I know many step-fathers (within my own family as well) that have and continue to be outstanding father’s to the children of the family they remarried into. In many ways, those situations can be even more challenging as they try to garner the trust and respect as the ‘new’ father of the house. It takes patience and courage to stay the course. I deeply admire this group of fathers and all they continue to do to this very day.
And please understand, I’m not trying to minimize the positive impact their biological fathers may have made (or not made) along the way during those early years toward the betterment and growth of their child, prior to a divorce. There are so many stories written about fathers and their success or failure trying to keep the father-child relationship healthy and meaningful after a breakup.
No one ever said divorce or separation wasn’t messy or tricky. Over the years, I’ve even seen some families built, and rebuilt through 2nd, 3rd or even 4th attempts at marriage. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Who am I to judge?
I have uncles, a brother-in-law, a nephew and a couple long-time good buddies that have never been biological fathers themselves. Yet, they’ve had a significant, positive impact and influence on children across the width of our extended family.
My two sons in particular are the beneficiaries of some of these longtime, wonderful relationships. We are so thankful and appreciative of these relatives and friends that have been so kind and giving of themselves over the years. You are amazing and we celebrate you today as well.
One uncle (never married) in particular stepped in when his niece and her then husband divorced, leaving her two very young children without a father presence in the house. He did everything like a good father would to ensure those kids had the best upbringing possible. I’m sure his brother (also single and never married) played a significant role as well. I know the kids love them both as they would a father. Happy Father’s Day to my uncles!
Similarly, I have other relatives in my life that were like a father to me.
Growing up, one particular uncle was almost like a father and brother all in one. Still is to this day. He treated me as if I were his own son… or brother. Our relationship continues to be special and I enjoy our long distance conversations (whether via a voice call or text) today whenever we get a chance to connect.
It’s always inspiring to see men from all walks of life take a child under their wing, especially those who may have grown up without a father or positive male role model in their home. Whether through volunteer organizations, schools, sports teams, faith communities, or social clubs, there can never be too many caring, dependable male mentors in a young person’s life. Today, we celebrate these men as well and thank them for the time, compassion, and guidance they so generously give.
The bottom line is that there are countless opportunities for men—whether they are biological fathers, stepfathers, grandfathers, fathers living at a distance, or simply caring individuals with a big heart—to make a meaningful difference in a child’s life. Sometimes, a listening ear, a word of encouragement, or simply showing up can have a lasting impact.
Life with Dad post traumatic teenage years
Not long after I graduated high school, moved away from home and eventually married, my relationship with my father evolved. He was no longer that quiet guy that seemed so serious all the time. We talked more frequently. We laughed more. I think we both started to look at each other in a different light. I was no longer that rambunctious teenager he needed to keep a careful eye on. Maybe he felt a sense of relief and accomplishment that the ‘heavy lifting’ phase of raising me as a child was in the rear view mirror. It was a chance to finally let his hair down a bit.
I was no longer that teenager that wanted to keep distance between us. I wanted both my father and my mother to be a main staple in my growing, young family. We always looked forward to Christmas and Easter at mom and dad’s house as my family grew. As my two boys grew into teenagers and beyond, it was my turn to host more frequent family gatherings at our home. It was a chance for dad and mom to relax more and simply enjoy watching what they started growing many years before.
Some of my favorite memories stem from parties we hosted at the marina after I bought my first boat in 2001. For a long stretch of years, the marina became our gathering place for family and friends. My dad loved the lake life (he too was a boat owner off/on in his younger days). But he especially enjoyed being around all the friends and family we gathered there. It was a chance for him to share stories and crack jokes. My father has always had this quick, dry, sense of humor. My friends enjoyed being around him. Those were always fun times.
Missing Mom, Appreciating Dad
This Father’s Day feels different. It is our first one without my mom, Joann, who passed away in September 2025 after nearly 67 years of marriage to my dad. There is an emptiness that still lingers in our hearts and family gatherings. We miss her smile, her laughter, and the steady love that was always present in our lives.
But amid that sadness, I find myself appreciating my dad in an even deeper way. During my mom’s final months, I had a front-row seat to witness what true love and devotion look like. Dad was her caregiver, her advocate, her companion, and her rock. He stood by her side through every setback, every sleepless night, and every difficult decision. He cared for her with a tenderness and commitment that can only come from a lifetime of love and shared memories.
It would have been understandable for an 86-year-old man to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or even defeated by the enormous responsibilities of caregiving. Yet my dad never wavered. He remained exactly what he had been since January 31, 1959—a devoted husband who honored his vows and loved and cared for my mother all the way to the end.
Final Reflections
As I reflect on Father’s Day this year, I realize one of the greatest gifts my dad ever gave me wasn’t something he said. It was something he showed me. The way he cared for my mom during her final chapter taught me what devotion looked like in their marriage. It was a beautiful expression of the love they built together over nearly 67 years, and it’s something I will always admire and remember.
This Father’s Day also carries a new sense of vulnerability for me. After losing my mom last September, my dad is now facing some serious health challenges of his own. At 86 years old, I know our time together is precious, and I find myself cherishing every moment we share—whether it’s a visit in person, a daily phone call, or simply hearing his voice on the other end of the line.
I cannot imagine life without my dad in it. Through all of life’s twists and turns, our relationship has evolved far beyond that of father and son. Over the years, we have become dear friends. We’ve celebrated life’s joys together, weathered its storms, and leaned on each other through some of our family’s most difficult moments.
I enjoy our conversations each day.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to appreciate not only the father who raised me, but also the man he became and the friend he is today.
Fathers and Father Figures Matter
Fathers and father figures often don’t get the recognition they deserve. Yet their influence can shape our lives not only in childhood, but well into adulthood. Whether it’s a biological father, stepfather, grandfather, uncle, coach, mentor, or trusted friend, positive male role models matter.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to appreciate this more than ever. One of life’s greatest blessings is having your father become one of your dearest friends. I am grateful that mine did. I cherish every visit, every phone call, and every moment we share.
Today, we celebrate all the men who show up, care deeply, and make a lasting difference in the lives of others.
Happy Father’s Day!